2008 Woodie Awards
On the road of life, heed the signs
Jason Klein
Issue date: 12/9/04 Section: Op/Ed
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A couple of weeks ago, a student was hit by a car while trying to cross Chew Street. Luckily, the student was not critically injured, however my prediction is that the driver will soon be filing a lawsuit against Muhlenberg for not putting up a big yellow pedestrians crossing sign in front of the crosswalk. In a preemptive measure the College administration may be pondering the idea of erecting such a sign. Personally, I think it will work. In fact, I think signs are the answer for all of the problems we face here in the United States. No doubt in my mind, had there been a big yellow pedestrian crossing sign warning drivers on Chew Street that there is a possibility of students crossing the street at the upcoming crosswalks that the accident could have been avoided. Surely the driver, who could not even notice a moving, living, human being crossing the road in the twilight hours, would have been aware of the big yellow inanimate sign.
Some drivers go so fast on Chew Street they do not have time to react, not only to a sign but also to a human crossing the street. I find it ironic that the people who usually speed down Chew Street with disregard to the crosswalks and their warning signs are those who have taken the slowest evolutionary path and still have brain functions equivalent to a paramecium. For these "people" I propose that big yellow signs depicting a car stopping to assist or call 911 after hitting a person crossing the street (instead of speeding away) be erected. There was no sign telling that driver what to do. We should erect the "Stop If You Hit A Student While Driving" signs about 5 feet past each crosswalk. This would surely stop the students being hit by cars epidemic, one big yellow sign ten feet in front of a crosswalk warning moronic drivers that there is a possibility that people may actually be crossing at a crosswalk - and one big yellow sign 5 feet behind the crosswalk reminding the genius drivers to stop if they accidently hit a person.
Some drivers go so fast on Chew Street they do not have time to react, not only to a sign but also to a human crossing the street. I find it ironic that the people who usually speed down Chew Street with disregard to the crosswalks and their warning signs are those who have taken the slowest evolutionary path and still have brain functions equivalent to a paramecium. For these "people" I propose that big yellow signs depicting a car stopping to assist or call 911 after hitting a person crossing the street (instead of speeding away) be erected. There was no sign telling that driver what to do. We should erect the "Stop If You Hit A Student While Driving" signs about 5 feet past each crosswalk. This would surely stop the students being hit by cars epidemic, one big yellow sign ten feet in front of a crosswalk warning moronic drivers that there is a possibility that people may actually be crossing at a crosswalk - and one big yellow sign 5 feet behind the crosswalk reminding the genius drivers to stop if they accidently hit a person.