2008 Woodie Awards
When the cat's away, the mice will play
Linda Bips: Assistant Professor of Psychology
Issue date: 9/27/07 Section: Focus
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During your first year at college, your relationship with your family will change. Although your parents are probably paying some, if not all, of your expenses, making you financially dependent, you now live away from your family home. You are now independent in many ways. You decide when you get up, when you go to bed, what you eat, where you go, and when, or if, you do your schoolwork. Mom and Dad only know about the information that you share with them.
You will be faced with many decisions to make every day. Some of you will be tempted to call Mom and/or Dad for advice at every fork in the road. Put down that cell phone. Before you call for a solution to your problem or an answer to your decision, think about what you would like to do. Consult with your friends or faculty or staff. Try to come up with your own solution and then, maybe, call your parents. Present your decision to them and ask them what they think and if they have any other suggestions. Use them as one more consultant in addition to your friends and your support system at the college. After consulting with family, friends, and professionals, you must decide how to handle the situation whether it is academic, athletic or social and take the step to solve your problem.
This stage in life has been called "emerging adulthood" and the goal is for you to become an adult. Being an adult means making your own decisions and solving your own problems. Of course this is a process - a light dimmer rather than an on/off switch. Being responsible for your own life takes practice and now is the time to start practicing. Use others in your life as consultants who can contribute to your problem solving process. The decision, the solution or the action is up to you.
In addition to encouraging your independence, I want to advise you to proceed with caution. When we are in a new setting, we really want to fit in - to belong. You may be tempted to try new social or personal behaviors. There may be positive and/or negative consequences to these new behaviors. Staying out all night may allow you to hang with a new group of friends, but also may mean that you can't stay awake in your 9:30 a.m. class. Some new behaviors can have more serious consequences like poor health or even disciplinary action. The wisest advice I have ever heard about the first year in college is to not change your behavior for at least one semester. Keep your old rules and values until you get settled and put down some roots. Trying something new just to fit in can result in a mistake that could shadow you throughout your college career.
Stretch your wings. Embrace the freedom of living on your own. Make good choices and revel in the pleasure of becoming an adult.
You will be faced with many decisions to make every day. Some of you will be tempted to call Mom and/or Dad for advice at every fork in the road. Put down that cell phone. Before you call for a solution to your problem or an answer to your decision, think about what you would like to do. Consult with your friends or faculty or staff. Try to come up with your own solution and then, maybe, call your parents. Present your decision to them and ask them what they think and if they have any other suggestions. Use them as one more consultant in addition to your friends and your support system at the college. After consulting with family, friends, and professionals, you must decide how to handle the situation whether it is academic, athletic or social and take the step to solve your problem.
This stage in life has been called "emerging adulthood" and the goal is for you to become an adult. Being an adult means making your own decisions and solving your own problems. Of course this is a process - a light dimmer rather than an on/off switch. Being responsible for your own life takes practice and now is the time to start practicing. Use others in your life as consultants who can contribute to your problem solving process. The decision, the solution or the action is up to you.
In addition to encouraging your independence, I want to advise you to proceed with caution. When we are in a new setting, we really want to fit in - to belong. You may be tempted to try new social or personal behaviors. There may be positive and/or negative consequences to these new behaviors. Staying out all night may allow you to hang with a new group of friends, but also may mean that you can't stay awake in your 9:30 a.m. class. Some new behaviors can have more serious consequences like poor health or even disciplinary action. The wisest advice I have ever heard about the first year in college is to not change your behavior for at least one semester. Keep your old rules and values until you get settled and put down some roots. Trying something new just to fit in can result in a mistake that could shadow you throughout your college career.
Stretch your wings. Embrace the freedom of living on your own. Make good choices and revel in the pleasure of becoming an adult.