2008 Woodie Awards
I didn't steal your boyfriend
Rachel Grinenko and Alexis Kaczmarczik
Issue date: 2/21/08 Section: Life!
Dear Ex-Girlfriend,
Let's chat. I know you have this I-had-him-first complex, but it's time to get over yourself. I'm not trying to be the bitchy new girlfriend, but frankly, your presence is causing a bit of a problem.
I'm not saying that you two can't be friends; I'm just suggesting that you acknowledge the line that you're dancing on. You are the ex.
Clearly, there was something special between you two in the past, but there was also a reason that you broke up.
Before we go any further, you should know one thing. I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you. In fact, I don't even know you.
I know you're out there; he's certainly mentioned you, and there are definitely still pictures of you floating around on his computer. But that's to be expected. I'm an ex-girlfriend too. I know how it feels to be replaced. It sucks, even if you're the one that did the breaking up.
I understand that exes can be friends, but I am entitled to donate that stuffed bear you bought him to the dumpster (or Goodwill, if I'm feeling generous).
Here's the thing: I really would rather not turn into the crazy girlfriend. I want to trust my boyfriend, and I want to trust that you won't try to win him back. But you're making it a bit difficult for me.
If you could, please don't make me delete you from his buddy list, or go through his phone looking for text messages. I have better things to do than stalk your Wall-to-Wall conversations with him on Facebook.
If you see me around, please don't give me dirty looks. Don't turn to your friends and then have them turn and look at me, laugh and point. You're not being conspicuous, you're being childish, and I don't appreciate it.
I realize that all you may be saying is, "That's, Jill, Jack's new girlfriend," but, in my mind, it comes out as, "There's the slut." I'm not a slut. I'm just sleeping with your ex. No biggie. Remember, you've done it before too.
Let's chat. I know you have this I-had-him-first complex, but it's time to get over yourself. I'm not trying to be the bitchy new girlfriend, but frankly, your presence is causing a bit of a problem.
I'm not saying that you two can't be friends; I'm just suggesting that you acknowledge the line that you're dancing on. You are the ex.
Clearly, there was something special between you two in the past, but there was also a reason that you broke up.
Before we go any further, you should know one thing. I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you. In fact, I don't even know you.
I know you're out there; he's certainly mentioned you, and there are definitely still pictures of you floating around on his computer. But that's to be expected. I'm an ex-girlfriend too. I know how it feels to be replaced. It sucks, even if you're the one that did the breaking up.
I understand that exes can be friends, but I am entitled to donate that stuffed bear you bought him to the dumpster (or Goodwill, if I'm feeling generous).
Here's the thing: I really would rather not turn into the crazy girlfriend. I want to trust my boyfriend, and I want to trust that you won't try to win him back. But you're making it a bit difficult for me.
If you could, please don't make me delete you from his buddy list, or go through his phone looking for text messages. I have better things to do than stalk your Wall-to-Wall conversations with him on Facebook.
If you see me around, please don't give me dirty looks. Don't turn to your friends and then have them turn and look at me, laugh and point. You're not being conspicuous, you're being childish, and I don't appreciate it.
I realize that all you may be saying is, "That's, Jill, Jack's new girlfriend," but, in my mind, it comes out as, "There's the slut." I'm not a slut. I'm just sleeping with your ex. No biggie. Remember, you've done it before too.