Signs, signs, everywhere there're signs

I know he is enamored of me because of the signs. You know, the "signs"?

As we learned from such movies as He's Just Not That Into You, the signs, quite frankly, are bull-crap and a chef salad. Yet we continue to "see" them, to pick them out by reading into every utterance and action.

Men, don't pretend you don't do this. (Actual conversation: first guy says he wants to tell Love Interest how he feels. Guy Two advises, "No, man, wait 'til she plays with your hair. That's love.")

I had to wonder just what signs are we seeing?

And are we reading them correctly?

I asked, first, how Ms. On the Prowl (thinks she) drops hints of her interest to lover boy. (Quick aside: Remember the days of middle school when it appeared to be much simpler? I asked my 13-year-old brother how he knew when a girl liked him. His words, verbatim: "I don't know. She talks to you a lot in school and just wants to be your partner and stuff." Those seventh grade girls are go-getters).

Things may not have changed much, though, as 18-22 year old girls may utilize any one of these techniques or more:

-She ignores him

-She singles him out in a group, talks to him more than others

-She flirts verbally, not physically. This may include being "fake mean".

-She flirts physically (touching on the arm, his hair, etc.)

That's all well and good, but does it match up with the hints Mr. Hopeful reads?

These are the signs he's reading:

-She goes out of her way to be around him

-She looks to him in a group situation to see his reactions

Of course, I repeated the process in reverse, following up the first question to Ms. Understood with what signs she sees from men.

-He holds her longer in a hug

-He tries to be where she is

-He looks at her to see what she thinks and if she think he's funny

-He touches her a lot

-He compliments her a lot

-He plays with her hair

-He shows off

-He makes up excuses to spend time with her

-He invites her to hang out with him and his friends

-He asks her friends about her

-They enjoy awkward eye-contact (the look-away, look-back, look-away dance with the tentative smile included)

-He insults her

Mr. Suave said these are the signs he (thinks he) gives to his Lady Love:

-He tries to find a way to be in her presence

-He does almost anything to be around her, stand next to her in the group

-He makes an effort to talk to her more than other girls

-They lock eyes and "feel" the connection

Interesting to see the overlap and also the misconceptions (ladies!).

Obviously, this isn't a complete list and there are a million variables (consider affectionate vs. non-affectionate personalities. If a non-affectionate person is touching me, drugs or strong feelings are involved).

I'm not exactly sure where the misunderstanding takes place. Can we chalk it up to unrequited interest and a small amount of projection?

Naturally, we want our feelings returned, so we try to find the confirming signals and ignore all the ones that repudiate.

Sorry to be the downer/voice of reason/killer of hope, but just because he agrees to go see Legion with you does not mean he sees this as more than an outing with a friend. And even if you study together twice a week and she shares her Cheetos with you, she might just appreciate your intelligence and company.

As someone who has a tendency to be blunt, I encourage all of you in these awkward "are we friends or borderline boyfriend-girlfriend?" relationships to (not confront) but tactfully approach your Object of Sexual Angst and clear up any confusion. Yes, it will be awkward, but maybe then we can stop wasting time reading into how often she touches you or how intensely he keeps eye contact.

As of yet, unfortunately, there is no universal, wink-nudge combo that wordlessly indicates interest.

So, until someone takes the plunge and says the magic words, (not abra cadabra, hocus pocus, please or thank you) "I like you," the awkward second-guessing shall continue.