The Joys of Coffee: Hamilton Perk

*This is the second in a series of coffee shop reviews. All reviews will be conducted in the College area, and each will be centered on rating the taste of coffee. All ratings will be conducted on a scale of 1-10 for each item consumed; each shop will also be rated on cleanliness, atmosphere and value. An average rating is given at the end of each review.*Hamilton Perk Caf is wedged between the many stores in its vicinity at 722 West Hamilton Street. The Perk hails the passerby down by its big glass window advertising everything and anything you could want. Gourmet coffee, cappuccino, ice cream, sandwiches, milkshakes, Italian ice, bagels, and smoothies are offered to possible customers.

Walking through the narrow entryway, one huge mirror that takes up half of a wall is immediately noticed. The place is pretty tight and confined, so the mirror offers the illusion of space and light.

The wall opposite is completely blank--no pictures, no signs, nothing. It is just a huge expanse of white wall. The floor is white and not so clean, but the students are willing to dismiss that as people walk all over it every day, and it's bound to get dirty. And hey, the tables are clean, and the chairs match as well.

A friendly woman at the counter greeted the four customers and saw to their needs. Although she was very personable, her service was quite slow, and she lacked a professional air.

The radio was blaring, and the topic of discussion was "the last time you had sex." One would think that the woman serving would say, "Sorry, I'll switch the station," or remark on how inappropriate the subject was. But, instead all she did was answer with a smile, "I love this station!" She is dressed in a tight, pink top and way too snug jeans. Overall, she is very trendy and "funkalicious."

The students sat down at one of the wooden tables and were faced with a glass vase filled with yellow, plastic flowers. The vase had the price tag residue still on its bottom. It was a good but failed attempt at cheering up the slightly dismal and dingy place. Books perched on a high shelf offer some reading material.

However, there was no way to reach the shelf, and it was located all the way in the back of the store. Looking around, the paint was peeling off the floorboards, there were random holes in the walls (some even exposing pipes) and fluorescent lamps did little to provide mood lighting. Faux wooden fans hang from the ceiling, promising cool breezes on hot summer days.

The table offered "splendid" views of Hamilton Jean Fashions, Golden Phoenix Jewelers, and NY Fashions, not to be confused with NY and Co. Surprisingly, people waved into the window, and hip hop music had taken over the air-waves.

Sarah Smith '07 ordered the crumb cake and a small caf mocha. The cake was dressed "with lots of crumb topping and yummy cinnamon swirled in."

It was such a good-sized portion that she even brought some home. The small caf mocha was $2.99 and hit the spot at first. However, after finishing half she complained, "I had to stop because I felt nauseous." Coffee Rating: 6. Pastry Rating: 7.

Dan McClung '08 also got the caf mocha, but instead of a small, ordered a medium at $3.99. After taking several sips he stated, "It tastes like Starbucks... that's bad." Hardly a euphoric experience for Dan, he tried the frosted sticky bun, hoping to find something good in his food and drink choice. Unfortunately, his hopes are dashed, as the bun turns out to be only slightly better than his coffee. He remarked that it "tastes prepackaged, like it came from a vending machine." Coffee Rating: 5. Pastry Rating: 5.2.

Lauren Wiesner '05 grabbed a chocolate chip muffin from the basket for $1.75. Although the muffin top was tasty, capped with many chips, the rest of the muffin was completely barren of their chocolaty goodness. She said, "I feel quite deceived by this muffin."

She was disappointed, as any respectable chocolate chip muffin lover would be in such a circumstance. She also remarked, "It was very heavy... like, I'm going into sugar shock."

Thankfully, she did enjoy the small hot chocolate for $1.79. It was a nice bargain and provided some much needed warmth on the chilly day. Hot Chocolate: 7. Muffin Rating: 5.

Amanda Phillips '05 ordered a medium chai at $2.12. Served piping hot, she was at first impressed by its distinct flavor. She said, "It's artificially good. Some things are artificially good, like Fruit Loops. So is this." She continued to sip at it, finally comparing it to "a candy apple--only good for the first few bites." Upon asking her advice for future chai drinkers of America, she calmly responded, "Do not snort it. It's spicy." She also bought a blueberry muffin for $1.75. As she aptly put it, "This muffin is to food what Clinton's healthcare plan was to American healthcare." Chai Rating: 5.5. Muffin Rating: 4.

Darkness started to fall on the quaint urban setting and someone suggested leaving. Heartily nodding in agreement, the foursome left, nauseated and sugar high. OVERALL Rating: 5.